November 8, 2018
Dear members of our Calvary family:
I recently came across the following "manufacturer's recall" and thought I would share it with you. "Manufacturer Recall"
Regardless of make or year, all units known as "human beings" are being recalled by the Manufacturer. This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype unit code named "Adam" and "Eve" resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect is technically termed "Serious Internal Non-morality," but more commonly known as "SIN." Some of the symptoms of the SIN defect:
[a] Loss of direction
[b] Lack of peace and joy
[d] Foul vocal emissions
The Manufacturer is providing factory authorized repair service free of charge to correct the SIN defect. The Repair Technician, Jesus Christ, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. To repeat, there is no fee required. The number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R.
Once connected, please upload the burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus Christ, into the heart component of the human unit. No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus Christ, the Repair Technician, will replace it with:
Please see the operating manual, HOLY BIBLE, for further details on the use of these fixes. As an added upgrade, the Manufacturer has made available to all repaired units, a facility enabling direct monitoring and assistance from the resident Maintenance Technician, the Holy Spirit. Repaired units need only continue to follow the operating manual to receive the assistance and benefits of this feature.
**WARNING: Continuing to operate a human being unit without corrections voids the Manufacturer’s warranty, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list, and will ultimately result in the
destruction of the human unit. Thank you for your immediate attention. Please assist by notifying others of this important recall notice.
I look forward to seeing you in church this weekend. Keep in your prayers Rebecca and Mark Mundt as the Lord blessed them with the birth of their baby daughter, Hannah, on Monday. We thank the Lord for giving them a healthy baby girl and know that she will be a blessing to them.
God bless all of you as you continue to live for him and his glory.
Pastor Martin Spaude